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In May this year, Ryan and his husband Chris became dads via surrogacy. Both “Dad” to their twins, it’s fair to say fatherhood has been a learning experience for Ryan and Chris. And Ryan has been documenting those lessons. See which ones you can relate to!
Things I learned about being a dad in the first few weeks:
1. I have more patience than I thought.
2. I am ambidextrous
3. While ambidextrous, I can do most tasks with one hand if need be.
4. My kids are the best thing ever.
5. Baby always wins. Always.
6. Hungry babies are evil babies
7. Babies are hungry 65% of the time
8. Family and friends are awesome
9. There are many shades of shit
10. I am now ok with poop and pee projected onto me. Rather, I have accepted this as part of life.
11. My husband is a rock star.
12. Babies sleeping on my chest
13. You only need 3 hours of sleep to function, but be mindful when driving or you may incur $2K of vehicle damage in a Starbucks drive-thru due to pure exhaustion and a yellow pole. Thanks, SBux.
14. They grow way too fast and my heart can’t take it.
15. They squeeze your hand, give a little look, fall asleep on your shoulder, smile, sneeze, stretch – and my heart can’t take that either.
16. You don’t need half the stuff you thought you had to have.
17. Pampers are awesome.
18. Days blur into one long stretch of baby time.
19. Boob milk is golden.
20. Personal hygenie is a thing of the past.
21. I am the luckiest guy alive
Things I learned about being a dad by 11 weeks…
22. Baby smiles are a cure all
23. We have a well of untapped strength that only our children can bring out.
24. They won’t break, breathe!
25. Other people love other people’s babies – especially giving them back after an hour or two
26. I can carry double my body weight in babies and baby stuff through an airport
27. Always say YES to help (even when you know the person didn’t really mean it!)
28. You don’t need all the gadgets. Seriously, screw the $190 Baby Breeza!
29. When people ask how big they are, my initial instinct is to respond with their diaper size. “Connor is 2 and Olivia is in between N and 1.”
30. I can wash 10 bottles and nipples in under 3 minutes
31. Do not touch the sleeping baby. I repeat: STEP AWAY FROM THE SLEEPING BABY.
32. There is such a thing as delirium (and it’s not what you think pre baby)
33. There are 50 Shades of Poo
34. Baby poo can have a surprisingly pleasing aroma
35. Sucking their snot through a tube (Nose Frida) is highly addictive
36. When all else fails… burp.
37. Patience. The burp will come!
38. Music is baby drugs
39. Family is awesome
40. Multitasking is not an option but a way of life
41. I can feed two babies, drink coffee AND photograph the experience all at the same time
42. I am happier with kids than without
43. Two dads rock!
Things I learned about being a dad by 4-and-half months:
44. Girls rule and boys drool. Literally. Like a lot.
45. Mashed avocado can end up in all sorts of weird places.
46. Teething basically means your baby shoving everything and anything into their mouth at once.
47. It is possible for two tiny fists to fit into one tiny mouth.
48. It is also possible to fit one teething toy, a knotted rag, a left hand and single pacifier all at once. #GoConnor
49. Bibs. (The cool bandana looking ones)
50. Morning smiles are way better than morning coffee.
51. They love my singing even if the neighbors don’t.
52. I’ve finally found my most attentive, engaged and very best audience. #dadjokes#flawlessimpersonations
53. A 6 month clothing tag is apparently more of a 3 – 12 month suggestion.
54. Dogs really like pacifiers. And stuffed animals. And boob milk. And baby farts.
55. Baby giggles are pure heroin.
56. You don’t need the crazy expensive “top of the line, organic, fell from the heavens” fill-in-the-blank gadget/ointment/towel/diaper/toy. Unless it’s a cute outfit, then maybe.
57. That first solid-ish poop is absolutely horrifying and, astonishingly, a thing of great pride.
58. When the outfit is on point, Facebook deserves to know.
59. When the outfit is NOT on point, people feel I deserve to know.
60. On that note, everyone has an opinion. (Shout out to the airline stewardess for the advice on how not to strangle my baby!)
61. All the cliches are true. I seriously can’t imagine life before these two nuggets.
62. I am absolutely, undeniably head-over-heels in love for these two little humans who I’ve known only for 4.5 months but really so many lifetimes before.
63. Babies open you up to meeting all kinds of interesting people you’d otherwise never encounter.
64. I’ll say it again – two dads rock.
65. And, of course, I have the best husband, co-dad, ride-or-die, in the whole world.
All great lessons, but we’re sure this list will be double by 8 months! Check back here for more crash-course lessons in fatherhood in the months to come. Check out Ryan’s website here.
