Craig Hartzman and James John have been partners for nearly four decades. When they met in 1986 at a hotel restaurant in Hawaii, they quickly realized they shared a deep desire for fatherhood. That night, they talked about their dreams of becoming parents, a vision they would eventually bring to life in the mid-1990s when they adopted their two children, Emmarose and Ethan.
Pioneering LGBT Parenthood
In the early ’90s, options for same-sex couples looking to start a family were limited. Surrogacy was not an option, and adoption often came with many hurdles. But Craig and James were determined. In 1994, they turned to a private adoption facilitator in California, Nancy Hurwitz, who at the time had never worked with a same-sex couple. They became her first LGBT clients, and since then, Hurwitz has gone on to help many other same-sex couples build families.
Their journey was not without its challenges. Although the matching process, facilitated by Nancy, went smoothly, the adoption finalization before a judge proved to be more difficult. The dads were questioned far more extensively than a “traditional” family. Ultimately, the judge did approve their daughter’s adoption, but they faced another hurdle: only one dad could initially be listed on the birth certificate. Determined to resolve this, Craig and James petitioned the Secretary of State of Washington—and, thankfully, their efforts were successful.
As two gay men raising a family in Portland, Oregon, they often dealt with curiosity about their non-traditional family. However, the city’s liberal and tolerant atmosphere helped. “We faced more wonderment than bigotry,” Craig recalls. As some of the first LGBT parents in the area, they were accepted and supported, allowing their children to grow up in a loving, open-minded community.
The Joys and Challenges of Fatherhood
Like all parents, Craig and James experienced the ups and downs of raising children. With Emmarose and Ethan born just 20 months apart, the early years were chaotic. Diapers, late nights, and managing two young children often tested their endurance. “The middle school years were a bit tough,” Craig admits, “but nothing terrible.”
Despite the challenges, Craig and James cherish every moment of fatherhood. “All of it has been the best part,” Craig says fondly. Now that their children are grown, they are about to embark on a new chapter of their lives as grandparents. Emmarose is expecting her first child, and Craig and James are thrilled to be grandpas — now they are working on establishing the names they want their grandchild to call them.
Lessons Learned and Advice for Future LGBT Parents
Looking back on their journey, Craig and James credit their success to clear communication and shared values.
For those considering parenthood, their advice is simple: “Don’t overthink it. There’s never a perfect time to start a family. If you want to do it, just charge ahead.”
The Greatest Joy
As Craig reflects on their journey, one thing is clear: “The greatest joy for both of us has been becoming parents.”
From their early days dreaming about kids to their current joy of becoming grandparents, Craig and James have paved the way for future generations of LGBT parents, and their legacy continues to grow with the arrival of their first grandchild.
