To help find your path to fatherhood through gay adoption, surrogacy or foster care check out the GWK Academy.

When 30-year-old Dr. David Surace first saw his husband-to-be at a gym in Los Angeles, he felt like he had seen him somewhere before. It turns out that about a year earlier, David had been catfished by someone who had been using Jimmy’s photos.

“I was like ‘Oh my gosh, it’s the real guy!” David laughed. “We ended up having mutual friends online, and we connected there.”

The couple dated for a few years, and were married in the summer of 2020. Before they met, neither of them had considered having children. But once David saw Jimmy playing with his sister’s kids, all that changed.

“When I saw how he interacted with his nieces, and how cute he is as an uncle, it made me want to see him as a dad,” David smiled. “When we met, the love we had for each other was so great, we just wanted to expand our love with a family.”

As the Creative Director for an events and production company, 40-year-old Jimmy would often travel a lot for work. But when COVID-19 hit, the couple started spending more time at home. That’s when they began talking about how they could start a family of their own. They considered surrogacy, but ended up choosing private adoption as their path to parenthood. Once they picked an agency, it was full steam ahead.

The dads-to-be were matched with multiple birth mothers within the first few months, which they were told by the agency was quite unusual. David said they felt a solid connection with one birth mom in particular, and decided to meet with her in person. It felt right for everyone involved, so they started preparing for the birth of their baby.

As the months went by, Jimmy and David became closer and closer with the birth mother. She even started to feel like a little sister to them. They went to her OBGYN appointments, she met their friends, and their lives became increasingly intertwined.

The couple was just over a month away from having their family. They had announced it on social media, and invited friends to a baby shower. Then, at 34 weeks pregnant, the birth mother contacted them with some very concerning news; she hadn’t felt the baby move in nearly two days. David called the OBGYN, who told them to go to the hospital. But the doctors couldn’t find a heartbeat. She was induced, and the baby was delivered stillborn.

“It was devastating,” Jimmy recalled. “I remember calling my mom, and just dropping to the floor, crying.”

The husbands said they went from extreme happiness, being surrounded by love and congratulations, to extreme mourning and loss. They shut down their adoption profile, and told the adoption agency they needed a moment before they could be matched again.

“When we were ready, we said ‘You know what? That’s just not our baby. Our baby will find us,’” David said. “We talked about it and prayed about it, and said ‘Let’s be active again.’”

After such a heartbreaking start, they did feel wary about matching again, but they went back in with open hearts. They were matched with three more women. But their agency had no vetting process for pregnant women like they did for intended parents, and one of those women ended up not being pregnant at all. The other two women seemed to be showing similar red flags.

The couple said they don’t know if the women faked pregnancies to develop a friendship, for emotional support, or for financial support, but luckily they never handed over any money. They did, however, feel manipulated and taken advantage of.

“They needed us emotionally, they called us late at night to talk about their boyfriends,” David explained. “One woman wouldn’t Facetime with us at all. Now it makes sense. They were taking advantage of two vulnerable people. It was disheartening, and it’s an aspect of adoption we didn’t expect.”

The adoption agency continued presenting the couple’s profile to other birth mothers. Exhausted by the process, the husbands decided to look into surrogacy as well. A nurse who worked with David had offered to be their surrogate, but unfortunately, the IVF medical professionals decided she would not be a suitable candidate due to her own child being born premature. They left feeling defeated.

Later that day, the adoption agency called and told the couple they had been matched with Juliette, another birth mother, this time in Kansas. She was three months pregnant, which gave the husbands pause for concern. Would she connect with the baby once she felt it move? Could she change her mind? But the more they talked to her, the more they realized she was the perfect match for them.

Jimmy, David and Juliette had an immediate connection. Much like with the first birth mom who suffered the miscarriage, Juliette was also 19, was facing financial difficulties, and had decided she couldn’t do it alone. But she had a different reason for matching with David and Jimmy.

Juliette had been adopted herself. So when she became pregnant, she had an affinity for adoption as the path forward. When they talked, Jimmy and David wanted to know why she had chosen two dads as the intended parents.

“We talked, and I said ‘Can you just tell me why you picked a gay couple?’” Jimmy recalled. “She explained; ‘My adoptive mom was so homophobic and awful to gay people, I feel like this is my way of giving back to the gay community.’”

For Jimmy and David, it was a sure sign this was their baby.

“She couldn’t even listen to Sam Smith in their house, it was that much of a homophobic household,” Jimmy said.

Juliette had run away and was experiencing homelessness, so she needed immediate financial help. That alone could have been a red flag to the Surace’s, because they had been burned before. But Juliette reassured them she did not intend to keep the baby, and they went with their gut instincts and agreed to match. From there, their relationship developed into a close friendship.

“There was not a single day we missed talking with her,” David said. “She was amazing, she’d send photos of the bump, videos of him moving inside her every night. We were there if she wanted a kiki. We became her friends, her family.”

At the start of 2022, Juliette contracted COVID-19 at 37 weeks pregnant. The doctors agreed that because of the infection, the placenta could be compromised, so they induced her at 39 weeks.

A few days before the scheduled induction, the dads-to-be flew into Kansas and stayed with Juliette at an AirBnB. Then, on January 15, they went with her to the hospital for the birth, and stayed with her for all 30 hours of labor.

Finally, they had their son, Sebastian.

Even before baby Sebastian was born, Jimmy said Juliette was always incredibly supportive of them as dads.

“She was so mature about it, and I think she did it for us,” he said. “She kept calling him our baby. She was like, ‘I just wanted it to be an experience for you guys,’ and ‘I was just a vessel to create that experience for you.’ I was like… ‘Wow. She is wise beyond her .’”

At first, the dads said they were slightly nervous about being a gay couple adopting in a conservative state like Kansas. But everyone at the hospital was incredibly accepting and loving, and they went above and beyond to make sure the intended parents were well taken care of. The nurses even said they had seen so many births, Jimmy and David’s story had renewed their faith in adoption.

As for their relationship with Juliette, the dads said they still check in on her every few days. She has even offered to be an egg donor and surrogate for their next child, because she wants Sebastian to have a biological sibling. So this summer, the dads are considering starting the egg retrieval process. With all the frustrations that come with adoption, David and Jimmy said they couldn’t have asked for a better birth mother.

“We created a family together,” Jimmy said. “We’re connected to this person in ways we are not connected to anyone else. We are bonded for life. We are a family.”

After the adoption was finalized in the courts, Jimmy and David flew home to Los Angeles with their gorgeous baby boy. Both their families have since been visiting from Chicago and Ohio to welcome him to the world, and to give the dads a few extra pairs of hands as they get used to life with a newborn. “It’s exhausting, but boy do we love him to death,” Jimmy smiled.

David’s advice for other gay men considering adoption is to make sure you are truly ready, because parenting is taxing and it requires real dedication. Jimmy said to remember to lean on your partner during the process, because despite losing your mind a couple of times, through it all, you will have each other.

“The reason you’re doing this is because of your love for each other, so love each other,” he said. “And take advantage of the days when it’s just you two, because man does that change!”

To help find your path to fatherhood through gay adoption, surrogacy or foster care check out the GWK Academy.