Meet Gay Foster Dads Fred and Adam

Originally Published May 5, 2021

For Fred and Adam, becoming a father was something the two knew they always wanted. It’s no myth that many gay men are stigmatized by their relatives, neighbors, and even their own selves for raising children — and Fred admits he struggled with “reconciling” the idea of desiring a family while also being a gay man. In spite of it all it seems the tables have turned; now dads of three, he and Adam couldn’t be happier. But the process to parenthood was “complex and tumultuous,” Fred admits.

Fred, who is executive director of Gay City: Seattle’s LGBTQ Center, and Adam, who is director of International Marketing, Creative and Loyalty for Starbucks, have been together for 18 years, and officially tied the knot in 2013. Becoming dads, they said, seemed like the logical next step in their “happily ever after.”

The idea of foster care and adoption was nothing new to the pair. They not only had close friends who were foster parents, but Fred was personally familiar with the system. Adam’s family, similarly, had experience with adoption.

“We knew we wanted to be a resource for kids who were already in the world,” Fred explains. So they did just that — but not before having extensive conversations about the type of parents they wanted to be, and to make sure they agreed on what children truly needed to succeed and blossom. Conversations were soon eclipsed by intense preparation.

The couple worked closely with Amara, a foster care agency located in Seattle, Washington. Soon they found themselves preparing to welcome home a four-year-old boy named Jaylen. Before the boy even had a chance to join their family, however, the couple received a call — Jaylen’s mother had just given birth to a baby girl, they were told, who also needed immediate placement.

The dads didn’t hesitate. The two rushed to gather all the baby supplies they could at such short notice, and Jaylen’s little sister, Jade, was within their care the next day. A week later, Jaylen arrived as well. Fred and Adam instantly became parents of two. And the fun didn’t stop there!

Some years later they received a call from the state regarding a two-year-old boy who was also in need of a loving home. Within a few days, the dads met the boy’s aunt and welcomed home the newest addition to their family, Noah. This family of five now reside in Burien, Washington where they continue to father their three beautiful children.

 The couple reminisced on the exact moment they felt like a father and Adam recalls that first diaper change in a Taco Bell parking lot just 30 minutes after meeting Jade, their second youngest. Fred’s experience was a little different.

“In many ways, even though it was unclear whether or not the kids would stay long term, I felt like a father from the second we met,” Fred notes. “When I held Jade at the DCFS (Department of Children & Family Services) office, when we introduced Jaylen to his room in our home and when we buckled Noah into his car seat in our truck after meeting him. You get this overwhelming sense of responsibility, which really is what being a dad means to me.”