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The Decision

black and white photo of gay couple facing away from camera arms around each other

This is the first article in Jason P’s series on Foster-Adopt.

“Let’s make a baby! Well, not a baby, a kid… And let’s not actually make one… Oh, you get the idea!

“Let’s make a baby” are four words rarely uttered by same-sex couples and yet so many of us want nothing more than to raise a family. Thankfully, with the social landscape surrounding same-sex marriage rapidly evolving (hello, Oklahoma!), the once taboo subject of same-sex parenting has now thrust itself into the mainstream.

For most of us, it’s simply the “what’s next” in life. Yes, we gays and lesbians garner the distinct ability to live fabulous lives of limited responsibility and disposable income, but as we have gained social acceptance at light speed, we have also started distancing ourselves from old stereotypes as we seek existence entwined in the every-day fabric of society.

My husband of ten years and I went from living the typical gay-lifestyle in Los Angeles to discovering that what we both really wanted was a family. So how did we go from the last couple in our social circle who anyone would have ever suspected would have children, to the first with a kid? It’s simple: love. Well, make that love, adventure, equal parts crazy and naïveté, two dogs, a ton of conversations and “an office” that never got used and badly needed a make-over.

In my mind, Eric was always the “dad”-type (well, the eventual DILF-type if you really want to know), but my feelings weren’t yet solidified either way – that is, until we started talking about it. The more we imagined, and joked, and questioned and debated, the more we began to realize that this was something we both really wanted. With countless conversations all pointing to “YES,” we finally made the decision: the best way for us to create a family was through foster-adopt. Only catch? We gave ourselves three years time.

With no need to rush, I started reaching out to foster family and adoption agencies and was quickly drawn to one given their long history supporting the gay and lesbian community. I can only look back now and laugh thinking how ridiculous they probably thought I was calling to say we would be ready in a couple of years! Or maybe they appreciated the fact that we were going to take our time and think this whole thing over? (Okay, probably not).

During those next few months, Eric and I learned a great deal about ourselves and our relationship. We learned to listen and to speak more openly and honestly. We conducted our due diligence and continued exploring all of the ways that we might actually have a child, which only further cemented our desire to foster-adopt. We set realistic boundaries and restrictions not only on ourselves as individuals, but on “us” as a couple and in January of 2013, as if on cue, we looked at each other and knew the time had arrived.

“Hello agency! It’s me Jason – the guy who called a couple of years ago. We’re finally ready… I think!”

To read Jason P’s next article in the series on Foster-Adopt, click here.

To help find your path to fatherhood through gay foster care, surrogacy, or adoption, check out the GWK Academy.

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