Gay surrogacy, also known as same-sex surrogacy, offers gay men the opportunity to become biological fathers through a process called gestational surrogacy. In this post, we’ll cover the essential steps, processes, and considerations involved in building your family through gestational surrogacy with love and support. Whether you are pursuing parenthood as a single individual or part of a gay couple, this post will provide you with valuable information and insights to make your surrogacy journey a success.
Before getting started, we would be remiss if we didn’t mention GWK Academy – our one-stop shop for any gay or queer man interested in becoming a dad. Whether you are just getting started, stuck in the middle, or well on your way, GWK Academy will provide you with the information and tools you need to navigate the process of becoming a father. As gay dads ourselves, we know that embarking on a gay surrogacy journey can be a transformative experience. By understanding the gay surrogacy and IVF process, building a supportive team, finding the right egg donor, and being prepared for the costs, this incredible journey can be a successful and rewarding one. With the right guidance and emotional support, you can embark on this path with confidence and excitement, bringing the joy of parenthood into your life.
So, with that, let’s get started!
1. Gay Men Can Absolutely, 100%, Become Biological Dads
Gay surrogacy enables gay men to become biological fathers through gestational surrogacy. This process involves creating embryos using the DNA of one or both dads, which are then transferred to the uterus of a surrogate. This creates a strong biological connection between the dads and the baby.
2. IVF Is The Key To The Castle
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a vital component of the surrogacy journey. During IVF, eggs are retrieved from the egg donor, and sperm is collected from the intended father(s). Fertilization takes place in a laboratory, and the resulting embryos are carefully monitored and cryopreserved until they are ready to be transferred to the surrogate’s uterus.
3. Build A Support Team. You’ll Thank Us Later!
The surrogacy journey requires a strong support team to guide you through the process. Here, again, GWK Academy can be invaluable as you’ll have access to GWK Academy’s head coach and connections with mentors, folks who successfully completed their surrogacy journey in the recent past).
4. Picking the Right Family-Building Partners Will Be Key
The most important family-building partners you’ll need to choose are your surrogacy agency and IVF clinic. Others you’ll also work with include legal counsel and a social worker, and you may talk with an insurance agent directly or have that managed by your agency and IVF doctor. You may find your egg donor through a surrogacy and egg donation agency, a specialty egg donation agency, or your IVF clinic.
Each of these organizations, and the key team members you’ll work with, will be very involved in different aspects of your journey. We encourage you to meet with 2-3 agencies and clinics before selecting the ones you plan to work with. Some of the items we think you should evaluate to select your partners include total costs charged, their fee schedules, and their preferred frequency and form of communication. Be sure to consider your gut reaction to each of your introductory meetings as many times our gut is the most trusted advisor we have.
5. The Right Egg Donor Makes All the Difference
Finding the right egg donor is an important step in your surrogacy journey. Most gay men are matched with an egg donor through a surrogacy and egg donor agency, a specialty egg donor agency, or their IVF clinic. While reviewing different donor profiles, we encourage you to ask to be connected with any who stand-out to you in one way or another. When considering your egg donor, we encourage you not to get bogged down focusing too much on specific personality traits, talents, skills or preferred vanity metrics (like the color of her hair or eyes) and instead try to find someone you have a strong and authentic connection with, as there’s no way to know which of these traits will get passed down to your child AND it’ll be a much easier explanation to provide your future child when they get old enough to start asking how you chose your egg donor. Another important consideration – try to pursue a known egg donor situation in which your egg donor agrees to meet your child at some point in the future.
6. It is Important to Understand the Costs of Gay Surrogacy
Gay surrogacy can be a significant financial investment, ranging from $140,000 to $220,000, depending on some variables which you can control and others which you cannot. These fees include payments for the surrogacy agency, IVF clinic, legal work, insurance coverage, and compensation for your surrogate and egg donor. The reality of these fees is an unpleasant shock to most gay men pursuing surrogacy. However, it is important to note that you can split your journey into two parts: (1) the creation of embryos, which will cost around $50,000. Once you have your embryos, they can be kept frozen for as long as it takes you to save / raise the funds for the second part of your journey, (2) finding your surrogate, implanting your embryos, and pregnancy and birth.
7. HIV+ Men Can Become Biological Dads
Thanks to sperm washing, HIV+ gay men can minimize the risk of transmission during IVF, making it possible for them to become biological fathers safely. Reputable clinics, such as the Special Program of Assisted Reproduction (SPAR), specialize in this procedure, ensuring a safe and successful surrogacy journey for HIV+ intended fathers.
8. Gay Surrogacy is an Option Internationally
Gay singles and couples from various countries choose to pursue surrogacy in the U.S. due to surrogacy-friendly laws, ethical practices, and access to top fertility clinics and agencies. The U.S. offers a supportive environment for LGBTQ+ family-building, making it a popular destination for international intended parents. Non-U.S. residents can learn more about pursuing a U.S.-based surrogacy agency by enrolling in GWK Academy’s Surrogacy & IVF course for non-U.S. residents.
9. Embrace the Emotional Journey
Surrogacy is an emotional rollercoaster, filled with excitement, hope, and occasional challenges. Some gay dads experience more than their fair share of difficulties with repeated delays while others have much easier and quicker journeys. But what do all of these folks have in common? Eventually, they all became dads. While you may be faced with unexpected challenges, it’s important to keep your “eyes on the prize” and know that one day you, too, will see your dreams of fatherhood become real.
10. Legal Protections Are Vital
Consult with a reproductive attorney specializing in surrogacy to ensure all legal aspects are properly handled. GWK Academy’s Surrogacy & IVF course includes a free legal guide consisting of 8 brief videos that walk you through all the legal considerations you need to know throughout your surrogacy journey..
Embarking on a gay surrogacy journey can be a life-changing experience, offering the opportunity to build your very own family. We hope this post has helped familiarize you with some of the biggest considerations involved in creating a family through surrogacy, and that you will soon be ready to get started on your own surrogacy journey. When you are ready, we want to remind you to check out GWK Academy’s Surrogacy & IVF course to take advantage of this unique and invaluable resource and network created specifically by and for gay dads-to-be.